I Won't Let Go
by blu3crush
Summary: (Completed) - Gil Grissom had a sharp mind. His mind was constantly in overrun. He processed things faster than most peoples. He remembered all bugs names and their characteristics as if they are ABCs. He had a flair for memories. But what if one day, his memories failed him?
1. Chapter 1

**I Won't Let Go.**

**CHAPTER I**

* * *

It started with misplacing of things. He forgot where he placed his car keys, his house keys or his mug of coffee. He brushed it off as he was too busy to remember these little things.

And then, he could not finish a simple crossword puzzle. Crossword puzzle, basics or advanced; he could finish it in a record time. That day, he was starring at the crossword like a foreign object. His brains just refused to cooperate with him.

Then it escalated to forgetting to bag the evidences he just collected. Or perhaps, it was the time when he was driving home; he suddenly forgot the direction home. It was a familiar route; a route he had been driving for the past 20 years.

He stopped by the roadside, trying to remember where he was heading. After a long while, he suddenly remembered. He was heading home.

The final straw was he could not recall the woman of his life name was.

He got worried.

He knew that something was wrong with him, his mind. But he refused to acknowledge it.

He's Gil Grissom.

And Gil Grissom had a sharp mind. His mind was constantly in overrun. He processed things faster than most peoples. He remembered all bugs names and their characteristics as if they are ABCs. He had a flair for memories.

He knew that he could not handle the Doctor's diagnosis.

Dementia – the loss of brain functions that occurs with certain diseases. It affects memory, thinking, language, judgment and behavior.

It had started to affect his memories and thinking. How long would it be before the disease start to attack his speech and judgment?

He remembered that his Grandmother suffered from it when she was in her late 60s. He saw how an astute woman degenerated to some one needy and whiny. Sometimes, his Grandmother had a few lucid moments and she would cry and apologize for the troubles she caused. It always broke his mother's heart to see her fierce, protective mother in a vulnerable state.

He understood that the earlier he goes for a treatment, the better he could control the illness. But he was simply not ready to face it yet.

He was not ready to say goodbye to his sound mind, to the peoples he loved.

**xoxo**

He never wanted to do this. He always thought he will be a CSI forever, or at least till the day he stopped breathing.

He tendered his resignation today.

Jim Brass, Al. Robbins, the whole CSI team, and the lab techs were in shock when they heard the news. Like him, they never thought Gil Grissom would retire from CSI.

But he knew his limits. He should not jeopardize any cases.

The CSI team stood outside his office, looking at him. They were confused. They felt left behind.

"Grissom, please tell me this isn't truth." Warrick said. Grissom, to him, is a father figure. He had provided great guidance to him. He had acted as a Father.

Grissom searched the name to put to the face who just spoken. He frowned. He felt the bond they shared. He knew he was close to him but he just could not put a name to the face.

Suddenly, he was angry with himself. He felt helpless. A simple task, like recognizing people, he couldn't do it anymore.

"Well, I just got to go." Grissom said.

He gave up. He knew that the more he tried to search for an answer, the more frustrated he got.

"Don't bother with a farewell party. I am not a farewell person," he smiled.

"I want to leave this place alone."

And he will be alone forever.

Few days ago, he had pushed away the woman he loved. He told her he could not be in a relationship with her anymore. He asked her to move out of his townhouse. She left, heartbroken.

He didn't want to do that. But for her sake, he knew he made the correct decision. He just could not put her through what his Grandmother had put his mother through.

"Grissom, take care." They said before leaving him alone to pack.

He wanted to hug every, single of them but that was just not him.

His fingers brushed across the group photo a Day Shift CSI had took for them.

Tears welled in his eyes when he realized he needed to write down their names on the photo so he could remember their name and faces.

He swallowed the lump building in his throat and blinked away his tears.

**xoxo**

This meant to be a 2 shot. I had yet to decide who will be the woman of his life. Judging me, I think I know who the woman will be. But I am on the fences for this.

This chapter is on Grissom. The next chapter would be the woman of his life.

I am sorry to make Grissom like this. This idea just popped into my mind. I love Grissom.

If you like it, don't forget the _review _button on the bottom of the page.

Do you all want me to continue with the next chapter? If yes, please let me know you prefer who the woman to be. Do let me know! =)

Love, blu3crush.


	2. Chapter 2

**I Won't Let Go **

**CHAPTER II**

* * *

Aloha! Yes, yes, I knew that I mentioned you get to choose the female lead. And well, most of you choose Sara and I think Sara fitted better. =) Right? Please don't kill me for this.

After this chapter, there's one more to go. And it will be the end.

Anyway, this is a tribute to Rascal Flatts songs. I loved their songs and their songs inspired me!

I wanted to do 4 songs. They are What Hurts The Most, I Won't Let Go, Unstoppable and Why. I had finished with What Hurts The Most and it's written in Sara's POV. And as usual, it's GSR with a little twist. Click on my profile to read them if you want to.

I planned one song for Greg and Sara. As I love them too!

Woah, I am nagging again. So sit back and relax! Enjoy this.

Don't forget to post your reviews if you like it or if you want more! The _review Button _is just right below.

Love, blu3crush.

* * *

"I can't do it anymore."

5 simple words; and it broke her heart. Her heart was so shattered that she did not know if she had the chance to mend it back. She always thought they could survive anything. She always thought that one day he would propose and ask her to marry him.

She had envisioned a future with him. They would have 2 kids, one girl and one boy and they would open a bed and breakfast off the coast. They would wake up every morning with a huge smile. Their kids would bounce into their room and brings them breakfast.

But she never expected this. Her eyes widen with shock when he told her that. Numbed with shock, she did not ask him why. She just looked at him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

His apologies did not help at all. Instead, it made it all worst. Every single guy she went out with ends up apologizing to her.

"My family cannot accept your family background. I'm sorry."

That was Ken Fuller's reason. His family was one of the richest in Harvard and they could not accept someone with a broken family background as their future daughter-in-law. And Ken Fuller was too much of a coward to fight his family. Since that day, she learnt not to share her family history with anyone.

"I never meant to hurt you. When I saw you the first time, I was attracted to you. I just forgot I had a girlfriend. I never want to hurt you or Elaine. I'm sorry."

Hank Peddigrew's reason was feeble and downright idiotic. That day, she drank herself silly with Catherine. She told herself she would not allow any more guys to walk into her heart and take ownership of it.

Laughter emitted from her mouth suddenly. She was laughing at her silliness when she allowed Gil Grissom to own her heart. And he threw it onto the floor and stomped on it.

"Please move out soon."

That was the tipping point. She jumped up from the sofa they had bought together when she first moved in. She attacked him with her fists, pounding hardly on his chest. She kicked his shin violently. She ignored all his yelps of pains. She just wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to feel her pains.

"Are you happy now?" he asked, grabbing hold of her hand to stop her aggressive attacks.

She pulled her hands back. The part where he was holding burned.

"Why, Gil? Why? I thought we are happy." She wanted to fight one last battle. She was not ready to give up.

She encircled her arms around his neck, pulling him down, and crushed her soft lips against his. She closed her eyes, enjoying his soft, luscious lips.

Her eyes fluttered open when he pushed her away harshly.

"Sara. Please make this parting easier."

"I will stay in a hotel tonight," she sighed, feeling defeated.

"And Gil, I love you. I really do." She said, before reaching for the door knob and twisted it open. She took one last look of the surrounding before closing the door.

This was the house she called home for the past 2 years and it hurt to know that no matter how many times she move she will not find a house that she can call home anymore.

**xoxo**

_Sara, where are you. Contact me asap. – Greg. _

_Sara, something big happened. Contact me asap. – Warrick. _

_Sara, just reply to our text messages. It's about Grissom. – Nick. _

_Sara, I will kill you when you are back. Grissom's quitting. – Catherine. _

_Forget it. He left CSI. – Brass._

Sara threw her cell-phone onto the bed. She ran her hand through her hairs and sighed heavily.

Grissom quitted.

She didn't see that coming. She had taken a few days off and he had approved her leave without any questions. And then he left CSI.

She had yet to find an apartment or went back to Grissom's house to pack her stuffs. She was still hanging on a thin thread of hope that he would call and tell her everything is just a joke.

**xoxo**

Her fingers ran through his clothes delicately. She missed him. She thought she would see him at home but tough luck. He was not there.

Sara did not know where to start packing. Two year worth of stuffs, it was so difficult to organize them into boxes. It was 2 years full of love, laughter and tears.

Pulling her clothes off the hangers hastily, she stuffed them into her oversized duffel bag. She slammed the wardrobe door harshly. Padding towards the bathroom, she was suddenly attacked by their intimate memories in the bathroom.

His hands roaming around her naked form, and breathing hot breaths near her sensitive neck. The hot water beat down on their bodies gently as he moved into her.

She growled in frustration.

She swept all her skincare products and makeup into the clear plastic bag. She threw her toothbrush into the bin nearby.

Then she saw something that caught her attention.

A few bottles of medicine.

_Rivastigmine._

_Fluoxetine._

_Haloperidol._

_Donepezil._

The medicine cocktail meant to curb or slow down the effects of dementia.

"Shit," she cursed.

Memories flashed past her eyes. She remembered his forgetfulness. She remembered him staring at her, lost for words. She remembered sometimes he would take hours to reach home.

"Oh God. Gil. Why?"


	3. Chapter 3

**I Won't Let Go**

**CHAPTER III**

* * *

Sara banged the receiver down angrily. Every single nursing home, rehabilitation centre, hospital had gave her the same response.

"Mdm, we're sorry but we are unable to divulge patient's information." Their tone was unyielding. Then they promptly disconnect the phone.

Grissom's lawyer had looked for her and told her that Grissom had given her the townhouse and his car.

_"Where's Grissom?" she hissed angrily. _

_"Dr. Grissom's in great hand. He asked you to take care and stay happy." The lawyer backed a few steps in fear. He was an intimidating guy in court but this lady terrorise him somehow. _

_"This is the house deed and the car documents." He placed the documents on the table and wanted to flee this room. He did not want to stay in this room with her. _

"Damn it!" she cursed. How could she be happy when he was no longer there.

"Sara," Archie swallowed timidly. Everyone knew that this is not a good time to bother Sara but he had something for her. She was a loose cannon now who would snap at anyone.

Sara swivel around and met Archie's eyes wearily.

"I might have Grissom's whereabouts. I tracked his cell's GPS activity. And, this is the few nursing homes that were near his recent cell's location."

Sara's eyes brightened up. "Archie, thanks," she grabbed the neatly folded paper from Archie and hugged him tightly.

"Hope this help," Archie said. He hoped that Sara could find Grissom and bring him back. All of them, even Conrad, missed him.

**xoxo**

Grissom squinted. The spider at the corner of the wall caught his interest. The spider had spin its web for numerous of time. Every time it failed, it will rest for a while before repeating the process again.

He thought about his Stevie. His orange Tarantulas. Now, he could only remembered bits and pieces of his past.

"Mr Grissom, it's time for your medication." His caretaker held out her palm and smiled. Grissom grimaced at the medicine cocktail. He hated swallowing pills.

Then suddenly some images flashed past his mind.

_A woman was crashing his pills into powder form. _

_"Gil Grissom, there's no escape to your medication." She laughed. _

_"Ah," he frowned but accepted the powder mixture. _

"Mr Grissom," his caretaker called again.

"Oookkkaaayy," he slurred.

His illness had deteriorated faster than he thought. The doctor had given him more medicine to slow down but it did not improve.

Gil Grissom, a strong, independent and smart man. He was ashamed of his illness. Yet, he was helpless. There was no miracle cure to dementia. Everyone's deterioration process was different. Some were faster, some were slower. And unfortunately, he belonged to faster track.

He swallowed the each pill with a huge gulp of water.

Then another image flashed past his mind.

_The same woman was sleeping next to him. Her hands entwined with his. He enjoyed looking at each raise and fall of her chest. _

_"I love you." He whispered in her ears. _

He sighed in frustration. He wondered who this woman was. He knew that he had deep feelings for her but he just could not remember.

**xoxo**

Sara sighed as she crossed out the fifth nursing home. Her hopes crushed each time the nurse told her that there was no Gil Grissom.

She stood outside the last nursing home on the list. She was afraid that Gil was not here too.

She welcomed the cool air when she stepped inside the nursing home.

"Hi," she smiled at the receptionist, "may I know where Gil Grissom's room?"

The receptionist typed in the 'Gil Grissom' as the search query and waited for the search to complete. She examined her fingers and wondered what colour she should paint next.

"He's in room 412." The receptionist said flatly.

Sara swallowed hard. _He's here. _

Sara ran up the stairs as fast her legs could bring her. She wanted to see him now.

**xoxo**

"Oookkkaaayy," he slurred.

Sara willed herself not to cry when she heard him slurring.

She saw him swallowing his pills with difficulty. She wanted to charge into the room and told the lady off.

She waited for the caretaker to leave the room. She wanted a private moment with Gil.

She walked into the room gingerly.

"Gil," she called, gently.

He turned. "Whhhhoooo arrrrrrreeee yyyouu?" his brows furrowed.

"I'm Sara."

"Saaarrraaa?" he repeated. He looked at her intently. She looked familiar. She looked like the woman. But he just could not recall.

Sara wiped away her tears hastily, and walked nearer to him to close the gap between them.

"No matter what, I won't let go." Sara hugged him tightly. She allowed her tears to soak through his t-shirt.

Now, she had found him, and she won't let go anymore. She didn't care if he could remember her not. She just wanted to stay by his side and take care of him.

"Sssaaarrraaa," he cried.

**THE END**

* * *

This will not be a longwinded post note. *remind myself*

First and foremost, thanks for the support and reviews.

I hoped you enjoy this short story.

The ending, I leave it to be vague. There's no clear cut if he suddenly remembered her. I think I would just leave it to your imagination. I wanted to end this on a bittersweet note. But apparently, it is neither bitter nor sweet. I might post a short chapter for Grissom and Sara after this

But no promises yet, I am taking a small break from writing, perhaps 2 weeks top. But if inspiration hit me, I might end the break faster. Working is taking a toll on me and I still have a few books I wanted read but could not find time to do it.

But I will definitely be back. You just can't get rid of me now. *evil laughs*


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